if only i could turn them into something useful, like the alphabet

editor’s note: the following post is kind of weird. if’d you like to keep thinking of me as perfect, feel free to skip.

i think im being punished by some weird gross god for my under-appreciation of people who can make themselves burp the alphabet.

see, im on this medicine for whatever the heck is wrong with my stomach (for those keeping track, i do have an appointment with a surgeon monday to discuss taking out my gall bladder, i’ll update you on how that goes) and it’s making me burp like crazy.

we’re talking like 30 to 50 times a day.

and to be honest, im not even sure it’s the medicine becuase it doesn’t seem to be listed as a possible side-effect, but i can’t think of anything else that could be causing this.

they’re aren’t like loud belches or anything, just little ones.

but they happen all. day. long. and they’re d*mn annoying.

im trying to stick to non-air filled beverages such as water, water and water , but the burps don’t seem to notice a difference. for all they care, i could have just drank a gallon of pepsi from a gas station fountain.

and sometimes, i get really uncomfortable, becasue i can feel that my body needs to burp and i can’t muster one up. are there tricks im unware of? i’ve seen self-inflicted burps on tv shows about manly-men, and my conclusion is that there must be a way to make my body do this on command. (just burped. right now. true story). if anyone out there has some tips, i’d be happy to accept. and if you feel weird telling your burping stories, you could always just say “i have this friend” and i promise not assume it’s actually you.