I once new a boy named Bob. actually, his full name was Robert E. Eaton.

And bob and I, well, we used to kiss and stuff. back in high school. and sometimes he’d write me notes and tell me I was awesome and then I’d write him notes and tell him HE was awesome. and that was all good for awhile.

But I’m kind of stupid and he was a high school boy, so he was kind of stupid too. and sometimes we’d have these stupid fights. like the time I left him at the movie theater (which was like 12 miles from my house) and made him walk home because he was making me mad and he said ‘let me out of the car’ and then i did (because i ALWAYS call a bluff) and he got out of the car and walked all the way to my house where he apologized for being stupid.

What can I say. we were both stupid. and then one day, all of a sudden we weren’t friends anymore. we had grown apart and that was OK and that lasted a few years. i moved on with my life. he moved on with his.

but then, one night, he suddenly called me up (out of the blue) and everything was all good for awhile and we had one really great conversation — until we had a stupid fight. and he hung up on me and I didn’t call him back (because I ALWAYS call a bluff).

and then, two weeks later he died.

that’s it. he just died. and I never talked to him again. and I NEVER got to work out that stupid fight we had. and when I found out he died, I literally lost control of my body. I don’t remember how, but I fell to the ground. and I cried. for days. I really did. I cried. All the time. because nobody I had ever known had died before. and I think i even went a little bit crazy, because I didn’t know how to deal with the grief and I would find myself trying to talk to him when i was crying.

and I thought (because I was stupid) that i would get over in a few weeks. but that was more than three years ago and I still cry. all the time. and sometimes, I just want to call him and tell him I’m sorry about that stupid fight we had. but I can’t. and it sucks. and I think about it every day. and the only thing i can do now is make sure i never have any more stupid fights with anyone else — ever. and I think that’s the only thing any of us can really do, because all the stupid fights, well, they just seem so stupid in the end.