I will no longer be posting on this site.

So go there.

Now.

Thanks!

i think im being punished by some weird gross god for my under-appreciation of people who can make themselves burp the alphabet.

see, im on this medicine for whatever the heck is wrong with my stomach (for those keeping track, i do have an appointment with a surgeon monday to discuss taking out my gall bladder, i’ll update you on how that goes) and it’s making me burp like crazy.

we’re talking like 30 to 50 times a day.

and to be honest, im not even sure it’s the medicine becuase it doesn’t seem to be listed as a possible side-effect, but i can’t think of anything else that could be causing this.

they’re aren’t like loud belches or anything, just little ones.

but they happen all. day. long. and they’re d*mn annoying.

im trying to stick to non-air filled beverages such as water, water and water , but the burps don’t seem to notice a difference. for all they care, i could have just drank a gallon of pepsi from a gas station fountain.

and sometimes, i get really uncomfortable, becasue i can feel that my body needs to burp and i can’t muster one up. are there tricks im unware of? i’ve seen self-inflicted burps on tv shows about manly-men, and my conclusion is that there must be a way to make my body do this on command. (just burped. right now. true story). if anyone out there has some tips, i’d be happy to accept. and if you feel weird telling your burping stories, you could always just say “i have this friend” and i promise not assume it’s actually you.

last night i went to a boy’s house and he made me dinner.

DID YOU READ THAT? he MADE me dinner!

and it’s my understanding that the food was not at one point frozen or in any sort of plastic container covered with plastic. it’s also my understanding that it did not have to pass through a drive-through window to get to my plate.

now, you might be all, OH NO! what if he didn’t buy the wine you like? or. what if he bought icky salad dressing? or. what if he accidently put bacon in something?

don’t fret. 1. he got both red AND white just to be safe. 2. he disowned his italian heritage and bought ranch dressing because i told him i like it. and 3. the whole meal was meat free.

and he’s pretty cute, and sweet, and he recently went on vacation and while away sent me a post card, which made me smile for about 27 hours straight.

and im not sure where all this is going to go, but i just wanted to take a moment to be happy, because i kinda, really like him.

PEOPLE! it has the WORD OF GOD written all over the freaking thing. how the heck am I supposed to throw that away? I have determined that it would be COMPLETELY unacceptable to throw it away AT church (seeing as how nobody else seems to ever do this), but I also HATE bringing it home, because i end up feeling guilty about throwing it away there too. then i keep it for like three months before i finally break down and recycle it.

2. during the meet and greet portion in the beginning of service i have this unjustified fear that i will forget that i already shook someone’s hand, then shake their hand again and they they’ll be offended that i forgot about them in under two seconds.

3. i’ve been getting really into church lately, and it’s not like this is a out-of-nowhere thing. i was raised christian and all. but im secretly worried that after Christmas the high will wear off. will church still be fun after they take down the 12-foot tree near the alter? is that when i should start counting down the days till easter?

4. i wish i could sing. if i could sing i’d TOTALLY be in the freaking choir. sometimes i wonder if i can fake it long enough to join because christians don’t usually reject people, but i know in my heart that i’d never get through hymn number 2042.

5. tithing is HARD. i mean HARD. i’ve decided 8 percent of my income after taxes is the best i can do for now. (note to God: i would like to point out that i do volunteer for stuff, so i figure that makes up the extra 2 percent).

6. during children’s time at church last week, the pastor explained that jesus lives in our heart. on child (and possible future surgeon) said ‘if we get an x-ray machine, can we see him then?’ sounded like a valid question to me.

7. i don’t want my list to have six things on it because that’s the devils number.

1. ultrasounds. seriously, how the heck would the doctors have known about my gallstones had they not been able to use the magical device that lets them see INSIDE me?

2. cheap gas prices. enough said.

3. my family’s love of mario kart. we all just sit around and play it on my mom’s supa big tv. and then we talk smack. and then i beat my brother steve because I’m awesome. and for once, from age 9 to 25, we all have something in common.

4. tofurky. have you TRIED this stuff? I can’t find any place near my house that sells it, but woodman’s in rockford sells it, so I bought $50 worth last night. true story. expect my breath to smell lake fake turkey for the next month or so.

5. having a job that coordinates with my major. YES, i get STA-RESSED (that’s stressed) at work. but at the end of the day, at least I’m not asking people if they want fries with that. or worse, if they’d like another press release (that’s a jab  at pr people, for those who didn’t notice) (i kid because I’m jealous of how much pr people make). 

6. match.com. i joined because my roommate wrote a REALLY nice testimonial about me, and then people sent me e-mail that match.com assured me were from THE ONE, so I paid $35 for a month of service and read the e-mails. and for now all I’m going to say is that things are going well. (we’ll talk more about this later).

7. attached garage. which i have. and which allows me to avoid the age-old midwestern task of scrapping off my car in the morning.

8. football. because i can call my dad during the game and tell him I love hester and gould and he repliys that he loves them too (except when the packers kick their butts) (then we just cry together).

9. my church. finding a church is hard. finding a church that says the “Our Father,” has open communion and stained glass windows, and supplies me with apple pie occasionally is harder. i’ve found one. and i really like it.

10. blogs.

four of them.

i got my little ultrasound this morning and as i was thinking that the jelly wasn’t as cold as everyone says it is while i wiped it off my stomach, the technician was all “the doctor WILL call you monday.”

me: wait. how do you know? is something wrong? is something WRONG?!

her: well i’m not supposed to “technically” read the slides, but see your gall bladder here. well, it’s supposed to be all black.

pause.

ALL BLACK.

see how it’s not ALL black.

me: frick.

her: ya, there are four gallstones in there. but on the brightside, they seem to line up perfectly.

me: really? that’s the best you’ve got for a “brightside?”

her: well, ya. the doctor will call you monday. i’d stay away from spicy and greasy foods till then.

me: umm. ok. gee. thanks.

me to my mom like five seconds later: holy crap. i KNEW something was ACTUALLY wrong with me. i KNEW it.

oh. frick. something is ACTUALLY wrong with me!! AND i have to wait till MONDAY to find out what happens next.

since then, ive discovered way too much information online about gall stones for own good.

the upside is, i guess they won’t have to stick a camera down my throat and into my stomach.

2. Seriously, it’s gets dark at like noon now. WTF? All i want to do is sleep and watch primetime, but then I realize that i have like 6 hours of work in front of me. Winter sucks. (Although I AM happy that there seems to be less snow so far this year.).

3. While we’re on the topic of winter, I’m pretty sure my car hates the season. the other day my friend was all “that’s your CAR making that noise? I thought it was the city’s tornado drill.” I should probably get it fixed, but I’m scared it’s going to cost me my life savings. instead, i will just continue to believe that either a. god will fix it or b. it will fix itself.

4. for those of you who don’t stalk me on facebook and therefore don’t already know this, i dyed my hair supa dark this weekend in honor of winter. (see pic below). also, call me crazy, but i really do think the black hair makes my head look thinner.

 

i know i need to get my bangs cut. but what do you think of the COLOR?

5. I joined match.com. yeppers, I did. and it’s going well so far. but if i get murdered and thrown in a ditch sometime soon, be sure to tell the cops about the guys on my ‘favorites’ list, because it was probably one of them.

6. I KNOW that i still need to design my other site (where I do in fact put copies of all my posts, if you’d just like to get in the habit of going there instead), but the problem is I can’t figure out how directorys work and i have a sneaky suspicion that i need to download something from wordpress.org onto a desktop. seeing as how i don’t actually HAVE a desktop, i’ve instead decided to avoid the problem for the near future. there is hope though, because i plan to get a laptop during one of those day after thanksgiving sales. (yes, I KNOW i should spend the money on my car instead. but you want me to BLOG don’t you? don’t you!)

im sorry I haven’t been posting. The problem is, when I go to post, I get frustrated that I haven’t quite designed my other blog yet. But I’m always too tired to figure out how to do it, so instead of even logging in i just go give up.

anyway, here I am. The other blog is still design free (aside from the purple and pink think I figured out at the top), but I’ve given in and decided to post regardless.

so, for those of you keeping track, i did in fact go to the doctor this week. and it wasn’t the end of the world that i thought it was going to be.

this is how i pictured it going:

me: so my stomach has been hurting

the doctor: oh. ya. you’re dying. did nobody tell you that? well, we’ll just try to make you as comfortable as possible.

OR

me: so my stomach has been hurting

the doctor: oh. ya. right. sure it has. well you just rest your head here and take this little pill (hands me a flinstone vitamin). there. all better? that’ll be $7,549 dollars. Thanks.

But instead, the doctor let me blab for like a half hour of every. single. detail of my symptoms and then made some thoughtful points. as it stands i have to get an ultrasound on my gallbladder done next week, while i simultaneously take a acid-blocker to fight off possible gastritis.

all of that sound just fine and dandy. except that if nothing works or turns up anything then.

oh man.

THEN!!!

then, i have let some quack put a camera down my throat and into my stomach.

i have been assured that this test hardly hurts and that when I wake up from the half-sleep (called ‘twilglight for which i can only assume are pr purposes) I’ll hardly remember a thing.

umm. HALF-SLEEP. WTF? I don’t want to be HALF asleep when i gag to near death. i want to be out. jebus!

anywho. im hoping I’ll never have to worry my pretty little head about such matters, because im hoping the problem will just fix itself. (see also: crystal’s attitude toward car problems).

however, my worries have not yet dwindled. you see, my lovely roommate has told me that if the problem is in fact my gall bladder it might have to be taken out.

threw my belly button.

yes.

apparently, THAT’S what that’s there for.

so that when I’m 25 the doctors can go in and suck out my organs.

sigh.

so there you have it. you’re officially updated on my life. did you miss me?

(drum roll please)

it.

is.

www.sevenlayerburritos.com (hat tip scvegan for the inspiration. and also to my lovely co-worker who helped me buy it) (I’m not sure if she wants her name in my blog, so we’ll just continue to call her ‘lovely co-worker’).i have even installed wordpress on it. go ahead. take a look.

ok. you’re back? well you may have notice that I haven’t done anything else. that’d be because I have NO IDEA what i need to do now. im feeling pretty good about myself for getting this far though, so there’s that.

in conclusion, setting up the new site is going to take some time, so be patient. but i promise to let you know asap when it’s up and running and I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

and for those of you who don’t know me very well, the name sevenlayerburritos.com is inspired by the fact that i literally eat at taco bell every day (no. im not misusing literally here. i really do). and i almost always order the seven layer burrito. and even when i was vegan, i ordered it without cheese and sour cream. (therefore making it a five-layer burrito). anyway, if you’ve never tried one, you should. because they rock.

source: Northwest Herald, cartoon by Ed Stein.