You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July 2008.
sigh.
so driving has officially taken over my existence.
yesterday, there i was, living my little life in mchenry, illinois when i went to start my ford escourt.
only my ford escourt (we’ll call her penelope) wasn’t having it.
she was all ‘ya. im not going to start. i hate that you just use me for your long-a$$ commutes, and you never get the good gas, and you never say thank-you, and you STILL haven’t gotten my muffler fixed.’
and i was all ‘WHAT!? I thought things were going so well between us. if it means that much to you i’ll totally get you the 93 octane gas next time.’
but she still didn’t start.
that b*tch.
she didn’t even care that i had to cover a meeting in like 10 minutes. nope. she didn’t care one bit.
so i had to track down the only other reporter who works out of my bureau office and have her drive me to the library.
then, after the meeting, i had to beg the night editor to send someone to rescue me so i could get my story in on time.
at this point an angle appeared.
his name is Mr. Awesome. (true story) and after he drove me to the main newspaper office in Crystal Lake so I could write my story, he was all ”oh, what? you need a ride to naperville, and that’s one hour away? sure. no problem. and don’t you worry your pretty little head about gas money.”
and since my pretty little head already was worried about my car, i listened to him.
and he drove me home.
and then, i had to figure out how the heck i was going to get back to my poor little car, which had found its way to crystal lake after a little boost from my jumper cables. (before you’re all ‘why didn’t you just drive the dang thing home after you jumped it?’ you should know that she kinda died in crystal lake. so there).
BEST FRIEND TO THE RESUCE (ish).
she said she could totally drive me to crystal lake, but only if i waited for her to get off work. and by waited, she meant, wait in her car in her work parking lot because it would be WAY out of the way to come back and pick me up at home when she got off and then drive me to crystal lake.
because car problems force you to work around others schedules, i totally agreed.
also, she said she would lend me the money for the repair, and since i only have $19.47 in my checking account, i was was pretty much her slave at this point.
so i woke up at 6 a.m. and got ready to go to work with her. i grabbed a pillow and a blanket and got comfy. she parked under a tree and said, ‘have fun.’ and i waited for her in the jewel parking lot for four hours.
(aside: i would like to remind everyone at this point that i DO in fact have a master’s degree. and yet i still don’t have the ability to pay for my own car problems, so i have to subject myself to hours on end in a parking lot.)
finally we made our way back to penelope.
she was still in a pissy mood. i jumped her again (which you’d think she’d like) and a few minutes later she died in the middle of the road.
yep. right there on a busy ass two-lane highway. and the truckers were whatever the opposite of sympathetic is. (mean?)
i pretty much feared for my life at this point.
so i started crying.
my best friend had to turn around and jump the b*tch again so i could make it to the repair shop. then those idiots at the shop told me they just didn’t have any time to look at her until at LEAST friday.
i gave up on life at this point and decided instead to become a tree. (i had heard they don’t need cars)
luckily my best friend pulled me back to reality and helped me find a mechanic who WOULD help me immediately. (thank you god.)
im pretty sure the shop was just a front for a mob operation (he called someone and told him that he should pick up the ‘mexicans’ now) but whatever, because he totally fixed my car.
and it was only $120.80.
which is about the same amount i spend on gas every week.
so i guess i’ll be ok.
and don’t worry. penelope and i have had a little talk, and i don’t think this will be happening again any time soon. (i told her i was seeing other cars, and she totally got her sh*t together. the ’check engine’ light is even off.)
ok. so seriously, my hair feels thin.
do you think it’s because I’m vegan? (I don’t eat jell-o.) or because im getting old. (im almost 25 you know.)
it could just be because im neurotic.
im trying to blow-dry less.
but, the problem with that technique is that i feel like blow-drying makes my hair look fuller (thicker) so really, im not sure what to do there.
also, i’ve decided to switch from elastic pony tail holders to clips (which my best friend assures me do less damage to my hair.)
this is kind of a big deal.
not like new-job big deal or even becoming-vegan big deal. but none-the-less, it’s life changing.
you see, i kinda wear my hair up every.single.day. (I HATE how it looks down.) but clips are SO DIFFERENT.
for example, i can’t even lean my head back in the car (during my gawd awful commute) while wearing a clip without the clonky thing hitting the head rest.
YES, i could just take it out while driving, but what if i get in a car accident and my hair looks bad because it’s down and then my soul mate comes, but i don’t have enough time to put it back up or i lose the clip, so he doesn’t give me his number because im not wearing my hair up?
just sayin.
also, the strands around my face fall different because the clip can’t hold the shorter layers. i almost think it gives my face a softer look, but the jury is still out on this one because the shorter layers also could just be adding 10 pounds to my face.
who knows.
anyway, does anyone got any hair thickening tips for me? (and NO, washing your hair in mayonnaise and beer doesn’t make your hair thicker. i just makes you smell like a single man’s fridge for about three days. thanks for nothing cosmo.)
so im living with best friend and she’s d*mn neurotic.
i’ve totally got mother nature’s monthly “gift” today and i have super bad cramps AND im going to a water park tomorrow.
i wish i was a size two. like all the time. i blame soda for my inability to achieve this. for BANANA’S SAKE PEOPLE! i ALREADY gave up every. other. good. food. on the planet.
i still have a crush on my ex.
in about 12 minutes im going to watch Hannah Montana’s 3d concert and im pretty excited about it.
i owe $40,000 to my student loan company and have no ability to pay it off. i also owe $247 to target, and have no ability to pay that off either.
sometimes i wear my bras two days in a row because i HATE doing laundry.
****
living with my best friend is so fun. it’s seriously like a slumber party every freaking night.
im going to a water park tomorrow!!!
i’ve lost some weight since becoming a vegan. so that’s cool.
im totally ok with being single.
i have to watch this LAME Hannah Montana concert with my sister soon, but i’ll just have to suck it up.
im so glad i got my master’s degree. the student loans seriously don’t bother me.
i need to go shopping for some more clothes.
so, you might be all ‘there’s NO SUCH THING as miracles.’
but you’d be wrong.
you see, my best friends mom’s sister once told me about this woman who cured people. (im pretty sure that’s in the category of “MAJOR” miracles.) and another time, i got a job in the chicago suburbs (that’d be a “MIDDLE” miracle). and yesterday i had what some would call a “MINOR” miracle. As in, only two people were ‘miraculously affected.’
but since one of those two people was me, I’m going to go ahead and share:
editor’s note: the following story is totally true. for real. it is.
ok. so yesterday my neurotic best friend (who HAS to have everything in the exact right place all the freaking time — including her shower supplies. that nobody can even see because there’s a shower curtian. seriously.) somehow managed to lose her car key.
hot d*mn if she didn’t spend for.eva looking for that stupid little black key (which isn’t a key so much as a really expensive computer chip that sucks to replace).
she started looking for it while i was still at work and one hellish commute later, she was still tearing the apartment apart.
sigh.
that’s when I had to sign up for the stupid key-search-party.
i was all ‘maybe you left it by the mail boxes’
and then she’d be all ‘im pretty sure a ghost took it’
and then id be all ‘no, im pretty sure a ghost didn’t take it. maybe it’s in my purse for some random reason.’
then she’d be all ‘no. ghosts are real, and it’s the only logical explanation at this point.’
after about 97 minutes (ish) of that, we decided that another logical explanation may be that it fell into my (amazing) couch (which unfortunately has cushions that don’t come off, making it impossible to search).
and THEN.
we heard the key.
yep. it was INSIDE my couch.
i started picturing horror-movie-like scenes of us having to tear off the fabric to get at the stupid key.
we flipped it to the side.
and upside down.
and to the other side.
and then upright.
and then back upside down.
and then – she went to stick her hand in the secret hole under the far left cushion (where we could only assume the key must have fallen) and she took a breath.
and (because i was a bit cranky at this point) and i was all ’REACH FOR THE STUPID KEY! DORK.’
and she was all ’shh. im praying that God will move the key into my hand.’
and was i all ‘GOD CAN’T MOVE KEYS! UGH’
and before she could say ‘God can do anything,’ he seriously moved the key into her hand.
true story.
the key moved.
into her hand.
and she pulled it out of the couch.
im pretty sure this proves the exsistence of god.
or ghosts.
either way, it was a d*mn miracle.
so even though it’s been nearly five months since I gave up cheese and converted to veganism, i still kinda talk about it all the damn time.
like, when i past a restaurant i used to love i say “MAN. back when i ate cheese I used to love me some Papa Johns.” or “MAN. back when i ate cheese i used to love me some olive garden.” or even “MAN. back when I ate cheese I used to love me some TGIFridays.”
this thought is so constant in my mind, that i find myself having to filter it so I don’t repeat it too many times to the same person.
For example, I’ll think to myself “ok self. you’ve passed six restaurants you used to like. on the seventh one you can go ahead and tell somebody that you miss it. … wait for it. OH! there’s one.”
“MAN. back when i ate cheese i used to love me some applebees.”
mmmmm. applebees.
oh.
and.
also, i miss Parmesan.
a.lot!
it’s just so freaking good.
sigh.
flakes of Parmesan on a plate of fettuccine alfredo. yep. that’s what I’LL be eating in heaven (where I can only assume they serve magical cheese that doesn’t come from animals and is cholesterol free.)
so nobody here seems to think that it’s ABSOLUTELY INSANE to commute an hour each way to work.
nobody.
they all just look at me and say, ‘ya, me too.’
jebus chrest where the heck did i move to?
the drive is KILLING ME.
im so damn tired that i no longer want to do normal things – like blog, cook or work out.
the two hours a day i had free to do such things have now been turned over to the 103.5 morning show and the B96 commercial free hour at 5 p.m.
and hot damn if im not cranky.
my bff just asked, ‘do you want these wheat thins? they’re expired.’
normal roommate question.
but what i heard was ‘why the hell don’t you make something of your life you stupid idiot? gawd, you can’t even throw away expired food.’
and don’t even get me started on road rage.
why the H3LL do truckers need to tailgate me when im going 55 mph on a 45 mph road?
GIVE ME SOME D*MN SPACE PEOPLE!
*deep breath*
i don’t know if i can make it in the burbs.
im starting to reconsider my decision to leave south dakota. and that was TWO jobs ago.
sure i had to drive an hour and a half to the nearest Target, but at least my job was 5 minutes away.
why the heck does ANYONE live here?
ug.
EDITOR’S NOTE: The following post might make you cry.
So I’ve run some numbers and it’s looking like my two-hour round-trip commute back and forth to work is going to cost me …
$100.
a week.
and that’s only if gas prices don’t go up at all.
go ahead. start crying.
you said what??!